Repost from Facebook Notes August 1, 2015
As I lay down to sleep last night, I was angry. I have been angry for days now. Not a huge overriding anger that keeps me from the day to day dealings with people. It is instead an anger that blocks any sense of compassion I might otherwise have for people who see things differently than I do in the normal course of things. It is a burning, simmering anger that I am fairly certain will not go away. As the days of Planned Parenthood’s exploits and exploitations have drawn on, my heart is being hardened. There is no place in it at this moment for mercy toward those who commit such atrocities, nor for those who support those commissions, and even less actually for those who vocally advocate turning a blind eye. I am weary of such cowardly turning away. I do not mean those who, like my dear sister, express their deep sorrow and helplessness over these revelations of evil, and then go on dealing with the people and the work God has laid before them. The body has many parts, and while we are united in the Spirit, not every one of us has been called to speak or act in this particular battle. I mean those who call for people to shut up because they are tired of hearing about it. Those who cry out that it’s not the only thing wrong in the world. Those who spew their outrage on the people speaking out on behalf of babies literally torn asunder in the womb, instead of pointing that outrage at the people doing the sundering.
That anger lay in my heart and head heavily last night as I laid down. And as I lay there a moment, preparing to begin my conversation with God that usually takes me into sleep, I had one of those moments of clarity that can only come from Him. I knew I was supposed to pray. That part I could deal with, I always pray. I have been praying for all those poor lost souls, and for the soul of our nation. But, that wasn’t what He meant. I was supposed to do the other kind of praying, the one the Bible tells us to do, the one that sets Christ followers apart from other faiths, the one that seeks God’s mercy on our enemies. And make no mistake, my heart burns with the certain knowledge that all those who are complicit in promoting this heinous evil are my enemies. And I will say, that in the depths of my heart, I do not want to pray for God’s mercy on them. I want deeply to pray for God’s mighty justice. I want to pray that He would use His authority and power to inflict on each of them every single injury they have committed or helped to commit against the more than 50 million babies that have been slain. My heart cries out enough, let them feel the clamps crushing their limbs and torso, a million times over. Let their skin feel the blades. Let their necks be pierced and severed, and their brains be sucked out intact, a million times a million times. Let their eternity of torture begin right now, this minute, before another child can be lost to their blood lust. I must say as I write this, that there is a little part of me that is shocked deeply by the savageness contained within my chest. A larger part still more shocked that I feel no sense that those savage thoughts are sinful.
But… God is ultimately a God of love, a God of mercy, and a God of grace. I imagine I feel no sin in those feelings because I imagine God Himself is weeping and reigning in His own wrath for His own reasons. So, I will leave divine justice in His hands tonight, and instead plead on behalf of my enemies, for I know that some of the greatest saints began as the worst of sinners. I know that I was once an enemy of God, in rebellion. I know it is only by the strength of His grace and mercy that I can call Him Father. And I know that it is only the power of His Holy Spirit that keeps me from falling away.
Father, I cry out to you tonight, open the eyes of the blind men and women who cause Your heart to break as they tear apart what You have knit up in the womb. Help them to know they are sinners, drenched in the blood of the innocent. Reveal to them the depth of their wickedness and the dry bones they have become. Father, break the stones of their hearts, and make them once again open to the knowledge of You. Show them how much they cause You to weep, and the misery that awaits them if they do not repent. But Father, show them that they can repent. In hearts so broken and lost in the darkness and depravity of evil, evil will continue to grow unchecked. They can never look upon their sinfulness without Your help and presence Father, for it would surely kill them with despair. Help them to know Father that You sent Your Son, even for them. Help them to renounce the evil that they do, to repent and turn firmly away from the evil that they have wrought and cling only to You. Show them the good work You have prepared for them, and help them to find their way out of the darkness and into Your light. There is no hope without You. There are no words we can use to reason. This sin is so deep Father, there is no other way out but by the power of Your Spirit and the Blood of the Lamb. Let it fall upon them all Father, for we humans do not have the power to change hearts so deeply stained. But we know that You do. And Father, forgive me for being asleep and silent so long. I implore You Father, please, in the name of Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of fallen man, and by the power of Your Holy Spirit, our solace in despair. Amen.
Pray always, and glorify the Lord.