I said yesterday when I finally got the latest Truth in Love up that God had the next several devotionals laid out for me. He does, but the words for them are not coming tonight. I am getting the definite feeling that Monday is a day off for the devotionals, allowing Sunday to be a day of rest, worship, catching up, or whatever else God is calling me to do. However, I am feeling led to do the other thing I said I would do tonight, and that is give a little update on what’s going on around here that had everything in such a state of disarray last week.
On August 19th, I officially withdrew from Reinhardt. It is my intention to go back for the Spring semester, but I am learning to wait patiently to see if it is also God’s intention. I was sad withdrawing, enough that I cried the whole way home. I say that not for sympathy, because it was not a bad thing to be sad. It was simply a revelation, because the feeling was similar to one I had in the beginning of the God Talk series, a moment of mourning something I had to let go of for now, knowing that God had His reasons and that I could not embrace His plan if I kept holding onto my own. I’m still not entirely sure of the whole scope of what He has in mind, and I still feel that finishing college is part of that plan, but this last two weeks has certainly demonstrated at least part of why He needed me to be freed up this semester.
On August 20th, my boss got in touch and asked if I could take extra work because the gentleman who works in the office broke his hand. Money has been tight lately, I’ve been praying for provision as always, and boom there we go, God provided, but it’s been a much heavier schedule than I am used to.
On August 28th Corey began his new chemotherapy treatments for this strange cancer that isn’t quite cancer that has been plaguing him for so long. New meds, new routine, he can’t drive himself under those conditions, and honestly he’s been in enough pain without aggravating it with driving. So I got to spend several hours a day for three days last week renewing acquaintances with the most amazing nurses at the hospital and singing Amazing Grace to help get the IV in on the first try. Nurses sure can be a little superstitious about such things, but they attribute it to God, and who am I to argue when the needle goes in on the first try when I sing to Him?
In amidst all of this, we started the new women’s group at church with the most wonderful fellowship gathering to let everyone get to know each other. I had a sit down with the new pastor at our church and was delighted to get to know him a little better. He even joined us that evening for Bible Study. I went wedding dress shopping with my daughter. We’ll be having a wedding on Sunday evening this week. And I got to play with my amazing granddaughter Emma. And that’s after my youngest’s 10th birthday on Friday. All in all, by the time Wednesday rolled around I was already short on sleep, going into it, and by the time the day ended it was Friday morning and I was surviving on catnaps of a few hours here and there, dinner crammed in and skipping food in favor of sleep otherwise, and praising God for a boss who is flexible on deadlines when I’m in a crunch.
Now, all of that sounds like excuses, particularly to my own ears when I think that I have failed God by not keeping up with the blog during all of that. He told me to write the devotionals daily. He told me to get started when I did. There is a part of me that thinks I should have been able to anticipate the hectic schedule and get several completed ahead of time. There is a part of me that thinks I should have skipped a nap here or there and used the time to write.
But, there is also the part of me that knows I am only human. God only grants me 24 hours in each day. There is a part of me that knows the thought of writing ahead did indeed cross my mind, but the words, like tonight, did not come. There is a part of me that does not want to fill this blog, and particularly the devotionals, with my own thoughts, they are meant for the thoughts God inspires me to write for Him. And there is part of me that knows I can’t always hear Him clearly when I’m tired, hungry and feeling pressed, and when I cannot hear Him it is better to be still.
I can’t say that I know whether last week was a failure on my part. It was certainly a failure of my plans. I have the niggling suspicion however that it was precisely what God intended, a lesson on setting priorities, paying attention, and trusting in His unending forgiveness if I did indeed fail to do my part in His plans.
I can’t wait to see what He has in store for tomorrow. I look forward to sharing whatever it is with you. In the meantime, for today, if there is something you are struggling with, something you feel like a failure about, I encourage you to bring it to the Daddy who love you, ask Him to forgive you, and watch Him redeem whatever it may be. Be blessed and be a blessing!